


deny it til your lips turn blue but love, it's never any less true

by stupidgaytree



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, Fluff, POV Multiple, Referenced Past Trauma, also im not a therapist and neither is lena, also its not relevnat to the fic rlly but ive decided, and some, angela is black, hewwo im dying, i guess, its 130 am, its what she deserves, man im tired theres probably so much flawed logic in this, mei n lena are buds u cant tell me otherwise, please dont take my advice on trauma, suck my ass, that in all my fics from now on, theyre all so tired let them rest, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 11:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12983142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidgaytree/pseuds/stupidgaytree
Summary: Mei pulled away, good humor twinkling in her eyes, but Angela noticed suddenly that they were unfocused behind her glasses, falling closed only to snap back open the next moment.Angela frowned, laughter fading from the air, and reached to brush some hair away from Mei's eyes. "It's getting late."Mei leaned into Angela's touch, closing her eyes momentarily, not responding until she murmured, "You can sleep. I won't bother you. I'm not tired.""That," Angela said, "Is a downright lie."





	deny it til your lips turn blue but love, it's never any less true

**Author's Note:**

> i totally just made up the title its not from a song or anything ajmsmsmsl  
> if ur here from discord i Love u. thank u  
> writing tumblr @hiwrighter, main blog @cyborgbullying

Angela's laugh tonight was one fueled by the sky at 12:36 am, coffee, and the sound of Mei laughing in return; that is to say, the kind of weak, tired laughter that just falls out of your mouth when you are happy and exhausted at the same time.  
Her attempts to articulate her amusement were foiled by the huffs of laughter that interrupted them, and Mei giggled, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to her lips and then blow a raspberry on her cheek, which only made Angela laugh more.  
Mei pulled away, good humor twinkling in her eyes, but Angela noticed suddenly that they were unfocused behind her glasses, falling closed only to snap back open the next moment.  
Angela frowned, laughter fading from the air, and reached to brush some hair away from Mei's eyes. "It's getting late."  
Mei leaned into Angela's touch, closing her eyes momentarily, not responding until she murmured, "You can sleep. I won't bother you. I'm not tired."  
"That," Angela said, "Is a downright lie."  
Mei didn't respond verbally, just slumped against Angela and sighed. After a few moments of silence, she admitted, "Okay, I'm kind of tired."  
"Did you just fall asleep on my shoulder?"  
"Only for a moment! I'm okay, Angela. I promise."  
Angela gave a dubious hum, and after a moment Mei mumbled, muffled against Angela's shoulder, "I just don't want to sleep, is all."  
"Why not?" Angela asked, raising a hand to press gently on Mei's shoulder. Mei only pressed her face against her neck and let out a little huff of breath. Angela took a moment to decide whether she had imagined the shakiness of it.  
"Mei."  
Mei just shook her head, and out of the corner of her eye Angela could see her fiddling furiously with the blanket on the bed beneath them.  
"Not right now," Mei murmured.  
Angela sighed, then conceded, "Okay, but you still have to sleep." A sudden thought crossed her mind, and she asked, "Have you been sleeping well at all recently?"  
Mei remained silent, until Angela opened her mouth to speak again and Mei said, "I've been having nightmares, if that's what you mean."  
"Recurring ones?"  
Mei nodded. She still hadn't pulled her face away from Angela's shoulder. Then, "It always starts in Antarctica. The team's there, and then the lights go out, and all there is then is the cryopods." Mei's definitely shaking now, and her words seem to be coming out without any thought to them, "And they all slowly blink over to the malfunction screen, and they die."  
Her voice cracked, and she slowly repeated, "I watch them die. And then my pod is the last one. And sometimes the room turns to ice and I wake up, and other times my pod malfunctions too and the room crumbles and then I wake up."  
Mei took a deep breath and pulled away, taking off her glasses to wipe the lenses and brushing the back of her hand against her cheeks quickly.  
"When did they start?" Angela asked, and Mei seemed to shrink into herself.  
"A little after I got away," she said softly.  
"What?"  
Mei shrugged, a weak smile on her face that didn't touch her eyes. "It was never relevant, and no one asked. I was doing just fine."  
"You were having recurring nightmares. You are having recurring nightmares that reflect what was likely a traumatic part of your recent past. That is not just fine, Mei."  
"Yes, well, no one ever got anywhere by dwelling on the past."  
"Mei. No, Mei, look--" Mei had started avoiding her gaze. Angela shifted closer to her and reached for her hand. Mei didn't pull it away, so Angela gently took it and continued, "Mei, there is a difference between healthy enthusiasm and ignoring serious issues via positivity."  
"What do you suggest I do, then?" Mei asked sharply, suddenly. "What happens when I admit that Antarctica fucked with my head, and then I keep having nightmares? There's no easy fix for something like this, Angela. There might not be a fix at all."  
Angela stared at her, and Mei relaxed a bit and sighed, her hand going to her temple and pressing. "I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to snap. That didn't come out right. I mean, I don't... I want it to stop. I do. I know that I'm the one who has to start making an effort to get better, but I don't know where to start. I don't think I can be permanently better, either. If that... if that all makes sense."  
Angela leaned forward, and when Mei didn't pull away she pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It's a process," she said softly, "It's okay. I'm glad you told me. Now I can help, right?"  
Mei blinked, like she hadn't considered that. "I... if you want."  
"Of course I do."  
Mei nodded slowly. "Okay." She looked up at Angela again and smiled weakly. "I guess telling you wasn't a horrible idea."  
"Mmm." Angela leaned back in and kissed her again, this time on the lips. When she pulled away, she said, "Mei-Ling Zhou, you're one of the bravest people I know. I love you, and I know that you can survive anything, including this, and I'm always going to be ready and happy to help."  
Mei pulled her back in, murmuring, "I love you too" and "Thank you" against Angela's lips, and when they broke apart again, Mei giggled, half sheepish and half uncertain, "I still really don't want to sleep, though."  
"Well," Angela replied, "You have to sleep to dream, and some sleep is better than none, right?"  
Mei let out a long sigh. "Okay. Yeah, I guess."  
  
\---  
  
Mei's eyes snapped open, and she jerked away from Angela, who continued to snore softly with only a grumble to indicate that she had noticed anything as she slept.  
Mei sat up so fast she almost hit her head on the wall, shaking and twisting her hands together. The room was fuzzy without her glasses, and her heart still thudded loudly in her throat as trembling hands took them from the nearby shelf and put them on. Glancing at the clock, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. 3:16 am. She'd fallen asleep around 12:00.  
Once she had calmed down and pushed the remnants of the dream out of her mind, she glanced at Angela, still asleep. A tornado couldn't wake her up when she really fell asleep, and Mei hesitated only for her soft sigh before quietly slipping out of bed and out of the room.  
Absentmindedly wandering through the base, Mei didn't notice she wasn't alone until Lena's voice from her left said, "What're you doin' up?"  
Mei spun around, then half-heartedly returned Lena's smile. "I could ask you the same, Lena."  
The pilot was sitting on the counter of the break room, conveniently directly opposite the doorway that Mei had been walking past. She cocked her head and quipped, "Well, g'mornin', I suppose." She laughed and hopped off the counter, crossing the room to reach the doorway. "You alright?"  
Mei nodded. "Tired. But I'm okay right now."  
Lena raised an eyebrow. "So what woke you up, then?" She frowned when Mei bit her lip, and continued, "Seriously, love, everything alright?"  
Mei shrugged. "Nightmare. Don't worry about it."  
Lena's eyes softened. "You can't tell me not to worry and expect me not to worry."  
Mei shrugged again, and after a few more moments said, "I don't know. After Antarctica I think I just kind of... I don't know," she repeated, words starting to pick up speed, "I don't like being alone, just in a room by myself, as much as I used to. I'm scared of it sometimes, I hate being cold, I hate touching cold things, and I just..." She realized that her voice had raised a few levels in volume and stopped, avoiding Lena's gaze, "I talked about this with Angela earlier, but... I feel like there's not a way to stop being... scared. Not completely. Or I haven't found it. I certainly can't just face my fears." Her voice grew bitter at the end, and she hated that too.  
Lena ran a hand through her short hair idly and sighed. "Mei, I'm not gonna lie to you. Things like this never go away, you know?"  
"I figured."  
"Trauma and all that. I'm still afraid of an accident with... time, and stuff." She gestured vaguely at her chronal accelerator, which glowed a soft blue in the gloom. "The way I see it, you either never talk about it and it just brews and gets all mixed up inside you until everything's shit, or you talk about it and get advice and let your feelin's out so they don't sit in your stomach like something you can't digest."  
"Hmm."  
"Yeah. I mean, maybe you'll always be scared of some things. That's just how it's gonna work. But at least you'll have people to talk to about it and know how to calm yourself down when you're panicking and all that. Maybe you'll have less nightmares. Maybe you can associate your fears with good things and then they won't be so bad anymore." Lena leaned against the doorway and smiled. "I dunno, is all that helpful? Kind of some on-the-spot reflection, so not my strong suit."  
"I think it's something to think about," Mei replied.  
"Alright. Well, you do that. And try to sleep, Mei, really. Figure something out to make nightmares less likely, if you can."  
"I will, Lena. I think I'll probably go back to bed. You should too."  
"Yeah. See you later, Mei. Sleep well!"  
Mei smiled as she turned away, heading back to Angela's quarters.  
  
\---  
  
"Mei?"  
Mei blinked as the door to Angela's quarters opened to lights turned on. "Angela. Hi. Why are you awake?"  
Angela gestured vaguely to the clock on the shelf. "It fell over. And then I noticed you were gone. I didn't want to chase after you in case you came back soon."  
"Oh. I didn't take long, did I?"  
Angela shook her head, and Mei turned the lights off and set her glasses down on her way to lay back down. She pressed her face against Angela's shoulder, and Angela asked, "Do you usually take leisurely strolls around the base while I sleep?"  
"Well, yes." Mei didn't shift from her position. "I don't want to wake you up if I have a nightmare and panic, so I do it in the hall."  
Angela brought her hand to Mei's head and ran a hand through her hair. "You can wake me up if you need to. I meant it when I said I wanted to help. That means helping to calm you down at three am sometimes."  
Mei snorted.  
"I'm serious."  
"I know you are. I'm sorry, I'm tired. It was a little funny, the end bit."  
"Mmm." Angela's voice was warm and carried the gentle weight of sleepiness, and Mei reached to press a small kiss to her cheek. "I ran into Lena and we talked. I feel okay right now."  
"Good." Angela was silent for a moment, then added drowsily, "Night. Love you."  
"Love you too, Angela." Mei closed her eyes and listened as Angela's breaths deepened into sleep, and eventually dropped off herself, her sleep dreamless in her exhaustion.

**Author's Note:**

> heemp this feels clunky but it is now 2 am and i Dont Care Anymore


End file.
